How do I grow and thrive as human being?

This question was examined during a lively discussion involving several college students in a session sponsored on March 27th by the Pueblo Hispanic Educational Foundation(PHEF). After previously leading a mindfulness session, I was invited to return and engage the students in a dialogue about human growth and potential. We spent almost four hours analyzing our thoughts, challenging ourselves and each other, and developing a little better understanding of the work we need to do to thrive in life.

This presentation, along with the materials and handouts utilized, were developed based on B. Alan Wallace’s Four Point Vision Quest Meditation. This contemplative practice begins with the fundamental premise that all beings seek happiness. Participants reflect on what this term means individually, the support received from interactions with others in pursuing this quest, how they can position themselves better to achieve this goal, and ultimately, how their individual gifts enhance their world.

Throughout the years, I've engaged in similar conversations with juvenile judges, incarcerated individuals, social workers serving Native American clients, parole officers, correctional officers, probation officers, schoolchildren, and community members. Despite the varied backgrounds and life experiences, these discussions are strikingly alike. The universal desire for balance and peace, along with the need for connection and purpose, highlights our shared humanity.

As we worked through these questions with the PHEF group, a disturbing theme which has arisen in the past with other people bubbled up. There are people who believe in their hearts that they are undeserving of being happy and enjoy balance along with peace in their lives. This false narrative that people are unworthy of happiness arises frequently during my discussion with the women at the prison.  Through abusive conduct in their families, friends, people in which they have or have had a coercive controlling relationship this notion of being undeserving of positive circumstances and unworthy has been placed in their psyches through physically, emotional, psychological and spiritual abuse.

This lie has been promulgated by someone else. Unworthiness I do not believe is an inherent human trait. One person had to say something or treat another in  a manner designed to make one feel less human, less worthy. It begs the question as to how true healing from trauma, stress, abuse or the myriad of psychological and emotional damage can ever happen in settings where people are treated less than or viewed as such by society in general.

One method we employed was identifying whose voice I hear when I feel unworthy. I shared one of the origins, which were words spoken to me by my father at a young age, significantly shaping many of my beliefs about myself. Once I could identify the source, I was in a better position to eliminate this falsehood from my conscious and unconscious mind and liberate myself from the false expectation of inadequacy it created. When damaging words are spoken and we believe them, we align our expectations with the lie rather than with who we truly are and what we can offer the world. As participants shared during this exercise, they realized that everyone has experienced challenging, distressing times as well as moments of happiness. We have navigated all these experiences as we embark daily on Joseph Campbell’s Hero’s journey in this expedition of life.

I truly appreciate Janell Montoya Quick, the Executive Director of PHEF for the opportunity to present and am looking forward to having this same discussion at The Karmic Konnection on April 19. 2025 at 2:30 pm.